


Finally Alone

by iWantMyDrumfredBack (BornBlue)



Series: Drummond Is Not Dead [10]
Category: Victoria (TV)
Genre: Drumfred forever, Edward Drummond Lives, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Romance, Some impure acts are contemplated though not yet acted on and not yet too explicit, The intimacy gets deeper, Time Alone, and Lord Alfred Paget is very happy about that, but they are living in Victorian England so it's a slow walk to sex, oh boy does he ever, we're getting there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-23 19:43:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14339616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BornBlue/pseuds/iWantMyDrumfredBack
Summary: Yes, they are finally--and truly--alone.





	Finally Alone

 

____________

_Edward_

 

He had been on the verge of kissing Alfred right there in the carriage until he remembered that, although they were finally alone, they still didn’t exactly have privacy. He had checked himself, and simply put his hand on Alfred’s while he felt an enormous smile spread across his face.

 

Now, Edward was waiting in the parlor as Alfred attended to his early dismissal of the servants. He noticed the piano and absentmindedly struck a few keys. Had it just been an hour or so since he had heard Alfred and Miss Coke play their duet? He had been so miserable then, and was so unexpectedly happy now.

 

 

__________

_Alfred_

 

When Alfred returned, he saw Edward in all his splendor standing by the piano. He was wearing his burgundy coat—the one that set off his complexion so well; Alfred loved how Edward looked in it. He had the most delightful little smirk on his face and appeared lost in thought. Alfred just stood for a moment and watched; he couldn’t get enough of the sight of him—especially now, with the certain knowledge that they would soon be in each other’s arms and have all the time in the world to enjoy it… or the next several hours, at least. It was a luxury he hadn’t thought they could afford. God bless Harriet! She had given them the gift they both needed so desperately right now.

 

He walked to the two large drapes on either side of the window facing the street, unhooked them, and drew them closed. When he turned around, Edward was looking at him expectantly.

 

“Are the servants gone now?” he said quietly. “Is it safe?”

 

“Not quite yet, but they are in the process of leaving. My butler, Baxley, will be the last one out, and he knows better than to disturb me once I’ve dismissed him. As long as we’re quiet, I think we’re safe.”

 

It was as if Alfred had opened an invisible gate. Drummond bolted like a gazelle across the room and swept him off his feet (quite literally, for a moment) and into a tight embrace. Alfred laughed softly. “Careful; I’ve only got one set of ribs.”

 

Drummond released him, but kept his arms around Alfred’s waist. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

 

“Of course not. I’m just not sure I’ve ever been held so close by anyone. But I would be happy to get accustomed to it.”

 

 

__________

_Edward_

 

Edward was finally swimming in those enchanting blue eyes, just inches from his face. He was overwhelmed by Alfred’s beauty. “I’ve spent so much time in the last week looking at your face from a distance. What bliss to see it up close. Those eyes of yours… those lips….” And he closed his own lips on them, tasting the traces of brandy left there, and relishing how soft and warm they were before slipping his tongue between them. He heard a quiet moan from Alfred’s throat, which made Edward more excited yet. His kisses grew harder and more insistent, and the moans grew in volume, until Alfred gently pulled away. He was breathing rather heavily, and stroked Edward’s cheek. “I don’t want to get too carried away—at least, not until I feel certain we have complete privacy. I think I’m already making more noise than I should.” He blushed slightly, which Edward found absolutely adorable.

 

  

__________

_Alfred_

 

Looking up into his dark brown eyes, Alfred could barely believe he was finally here with Edward. It would be so easy to lose himself in his arms: they were lithe but muscular, and when Alfred was wrapped in them, he felt complete tranquility. And he could feast his eyes on that face all day… oh, that face! He couldn’t get enough of the perfection in his features: the angle of his cheekbones, the curve of his brow, the pleasure of his lips.

 

But he had to keep his head for a while yet, and—really—he wasn’t sure how tonight should proceed. They had no precepts of courtship for instruction: for them, there could be no engagement, no marriage… and therefore, no path that showed them what was appropriate, and when. They were simply stumbling along blindly, without the benefit of guideposts.And he knew Edward had never been intimate with anyone else. Alfred had more experience in these matters; as such, he was afraid he might be overcome by his own hunger and throw caution to the wind, moving too far, too fast. Alfred wished neither to scare him off nor take advantage of his newly unleashed passions. Edward was a man of deep sensibilities, and he wanted to keep him close for as long as they could manage it.

 

And indeed, there were things to tell him—about the ball, about the other potential suitors for Miss Coke, about his conversation with Harriet and how she came to be in their confidence. He stepped away from Edward and took his hands, leading him to the divan. “Let’s sit and talk for a while. I’ll pour you another brandy and tell you all the news you’ve missed.”

 

 

 __________

_Edward_

 

Edward’s heart was still beating fast as he sat with Alfred and listened to the events of the past week. Of course, he was interested in what Alfred had to say, but still found it challenging to concentrate on the meaning of his words, as his eyes held Edward’s in thrall. They were so blue, and practically iridescent... it brought to mind an old poem he had learned years ago about the stars. So then he would try and focus more closely on Alfred’s speech, but that invariably led to his lips and their promise of undiscovered delights. He was consumed with thoughts of kissing him—his lips, his neck, his chest, his—

 

He felt a sudden flush of guilt. His imagination was going where it had rarely gone before—or, more accurately, where it had never gone when Alfred was sitting so nearby and they had hours ahead to themselves. It was equal parts thrilling and terrifying. He wanted Alfred to quench this fire he had ignited, yet Edward also felt it would take almost nothing to make him lose control, and he simply didn’t know what that would mean. Would it be like the dreams he could only half remember—the ones that awoke him to bewilderment, sweat, and sticky sheets? Would it be like the occasions—since Alfred had roused his deepest desires—when he had grabbed himself with frantic agony until he convulsed with grateful release? He always feltashamed afterward—dirty, in fact. His feelings for Alfred were so pure; Edward could not imagine defiling him with such profane carnal urges.And yet…

 

… he couldn’t deny that Alfred ignited a licentious fire in his body,

…and he couldn’t deny that the sensation was distressing yet thoroughly delicious.

He wanted it to continue burning, even as he _needed_ it to be relieved.

 

 

 __________

_Alfred_

 

Alfred had shared all the news he could think of. Edward had been uncharacteristically quiet while he spoke, and appeared a bit distracted. He hadn’t even taken a sip of his brandy; he just held the glass in his hand, gently circling it on occasion, while watching Alfred’s face. “Have you heard anything I’ve said?”

 

“Of course,” Edward replied with amusement. “I’ve heard everything: I’m most grateful to the Duchess for her friendship, I’m very sorry the Norfolk ball proved fruitless, and I’m particularly sorry that Miss Coke clings to you with such tenacity. So, since we’ve last spoken, it would appear you have reached both the loftiest zenith and the lowest nadir.”

 

Alfred laughed with admiration; Edward’s learning extended beyond politics. In fact, Alfred found his mind as stimulating as the rest of him; with their differing areas of expertise, he felt they complemented each other quite nicely. “Very well. You needn’t demonstrate it with astronomy; that was never my strongest subject.”

 

“I can’t help it. I was looking at you, and this verse—by Carew, I think—kept repeating itself in my head: 

> _Ask me no more where those stars ‘light,_
> 
> _That downwards fall in dead of night;_
> 
> _For in your eyes they sit, and there_
> 
> _Fixed become, as in their sphere._

I can’t write them, but I’ve always loved poems. It’s strange, really, because I never knew what half of them meant until I knew you. But now I think I understand. Like that one—well, it just seems to fit you.”

 

Suddenly, Alfred felt incapable of speech. Perhaps his heart was in his throat, for he felt a large lump that would make it impossible for him to produce sound. No one had ever said anything so lovely to him in his whole life. His heart started palpitating and tears teased at the corners of his eyes. What was Edward doing to him? What could he call this feeling? It was like being swept away on the downiest of gossamer clouds; he was weightless, lightheaded, intoxicated….

 

And the words began to dawn on him with shock: by God, was he _in love?!_

 

 

____________

_Edward_

 

A tear was rolling down Alfred’s face. And then another. Edward wasn’t quite sure what was happening. He set down his brandy and regarded Alfred’s face with growing concern. “What on earth is the matter?”

 

But Alfred just kept looking at Edward mutely with an inscrutable expression on his face. He shook his head and seemed unable to talk. Edward was starting to feel a bit panicky. He pulled out his handkerchief and gently dried Alfred’s tears. “Have I done something? Did I say anything wrong? Alfred?”

 

Alfred shook his head and managed to choke out a few words, “No. Nothing. Not at all.” He looked down at his hands and took a deep breath. Edward was desperate to know what was the matter. If he had hurt Alfred in any way, he wanted to try and make it up somehow. “Please,” he said, lifting Alfred’s face to look at him again, “tell me what’s wrong… please….”

 

“Nothing’s wrong.” He shook his head as if to shake something loose. “I’m not prone to weeping, and now I’ve cried two times in one week—first with Harriet, and now with you. I must get a hold of myself. I’m just feeling… so much… and I can’t seem to make sense of it. What do you feel, Edward? What do you feel for me?”

 

“Well,” he paused for just a moment before saying with certainty, “I believe it’s love.” Isn’t that what it meant when someone made your heart skip with joy and your body bristle with desire? It’s the feeling he’d waited for Florence to inspire, but in the end it was Alfred. Only Alfred. “Didn’t you know?”

 

“How would I? You’ve never exactly said it before.”

 

He had thought—though, come to think of it, he supposed he had just _assumed_ —that Alfred understood how he felt. So much passed between them unspoken that he had taken it for granted Alfred would know he loved him. “Then I’ll say it now. I love you, Alfred. That’s why I couldn’t give my heart to Florence or anyone else; you already have it.”

 

 

__________

_Alfred_

 

So there it was: Edward loved him. He did. He said it so matter-of-factly it had to be true. He said the words Alfred had thought he would never hear… and honestly hadn’t been sure he’d ever even _feel_ himself.

 

The words stuck in his throat—not because he didn’t want to say them back to Edward; but it didn’t seem to be in his nature somehow to say anything so raw and naked. Once the words came out, he would have nowhere to hide.

 

Alfred’s heart was pounding in his ears. “Is that what I’m feeling, too, then? Is it love?”

 

“I certainly hope so.” Edward looked at him quizzically, “You sound surprised.”

 

“I am, a bit. I never expected to fall in love.” Suddenly, Alfred couldn’t look him in the eyes. He was telling Edward secrets he’d barely uttered to himself, and wasn’t sure what he would see in the dark eyes looking back at him or how he would bear it, whether good or ill. He wasn’t accustomed to this simple honesty and it filled him with such overwhelming emotion he feared he might be pulled under and never re-surface. “I had hoped I might be allowed some moments of... closeness… perhaps some pleasure here and there… but I did not imagine I was destined to know love. But yes, I think that’s what I feel.”

 

Edward smiled sweetly. “You’re not sorry, are you?”

 

Alfred looked at him tentatively and spoke barely above a whisper, “Not sorry. Scared, maybe….”

 

“Surely you’re not scared of _me_?!” Edward looked at him with such innocence, such acceptance. It was once again more than he could bear. Some tears had started flowing again, and he looked away shame-facedly.

 

“No… no. Of me. Of… these feelings. They’re more than I know what to do with. I’m not accustomed— I’m scared, I suppose, of feeling so much that I might drown in it.” He was trying to laugh it off, but his voice kept shaking, betraying the depth of honesty he found so unfamiliar. “But not of you, no. Of you I feel… certain.” And with that, Alfred leaned over to him and put his arms around his neck. Looking him straight in the eyes this time, he said, “I love you. I do, Edward; I love you.” Their eyes remained open, locked on each other until the last moment before their lips met. And now it was Alfred who was taking the lead, kissing Edward with all the passion that had accumulated over the course of many days—and now in these moments of unguarded candor. Their arms moved into a tight embrace as the kiss continued, mouths open and searching, hands stroking muscles and tousling hair.

 

 

__________

_Edward_

 

Edward felt his love for Alfred break open as if it were newly sprung. He could not think of a time in his life when anyone had shared such intimacies with him. It filled him with a contentment, with a joy, he could never have imagined. As Alfred pressed his lips against Edward’s, explored his mouth, caressed his arms and back with his electrifying fingers, he felt invincible. If this man could love him— _love him—_ _him!_ _—_ then no door that might be closed to them could matter in the least. Alfred was more than enough.

 

As the heat of the moment grew, Edward held Alfred’s shoulders and pulled back to look at him. He wanted to take in every last feature of his entrancing face. He felt perhaps he was memorizing Alfred right then and there, saving up this picture for the long stretches when they would once again be apart.

 

 

__________

_Alfred_

 

Edward’s eyes on him, searching his face, looking more deeply into his eyes than he’d ever allowed anyone to do… it would have been too much had it not filled him with such intense happiness. He felt both relieved and a bit disappointed when Edward pulled away to stand and remove his jacket. His gentle tug on Alfred’s lapels brought him to his feet. Edward leaned in and whispered, “When I saw you at the palace… Looking just like that evening… I almost forgot myself. Do you know why you wore this tonight?” As he began to slide Alfred’s jacket down his shoulders, it made him tremble with anticipation.

 

“I don’t know, exactly. Perhaps I missed you.”

 

“Well, I think you’re a sorcerer and you summoned me with it. How could I resist the memory of our first kiss…? And how did I wait so long to kiss you to begin with?” Edward said, leaning in for another. “We’ve wasted so much time.”

 

“Then, my love, I propose we not waste any more.”

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
